Marriage Meetings
The Importance of "Marriage Meetings" and how to set them up.
Why are marriage meetings important?
I have never heard a couple say "having a meeting once a week would be horrible for our marriage." We all know this is a great idea, but following through is key. Marriage meetings are usually a sit-down conversation between you and your spouse that takes place at least once a week. These meetings are productive in that they create a safe, and intentional space for the couple to talk about strengths and barriers that are present, as well as discussing upcoming schedules or changes.
Occasionally, these meetings are a time to discuss conflict or desires that are unfulfilled by one or both individuals in the marriage. These conversations are meant to be taken non-defensively and should be responded to with compassion and understanding. Being willing to listen and understand your spouse is key to successful marriage meetings. With that said, not every marriage meeting is about what is going wrong, oftentimes, they can be very strength-focused.
How do I set up my marriage meeting?
The structure of your marriage meeting can be tailored to the needs of you and your spouse; there are examples you can find and follow such as "The State of the Union" meeting by relationship experts, John and Julie Gottman. Try following some of these tips to create your meeting.
1. Set aside a consistent time each week for this meeting to take place. Although schedules are always changing, try your best to keep this spot open.
2. Create a small list of questions or topics you want to discuss. It may look something like this;
-What is our schedule this week. What events/trips do we have coming up?
-Then, you might give each spouse an opportunity to discuss something positive they noticed the other spouse did the week prior or anything that needs discussion or improvement, as well as what each spouse needs during the upcoming week- whether that be emotionally, physically, or spiritually.
I know this sounds like a review meeting you might have work, but often times we don't discuss things with our spouses as much as we should. I hope you will try this in your own marriage and see the benefits it creates.
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Heather Hibbard, MA, LPC