Mom fail… but not a bad mom!
Ever feel like a complete fail as a mom?
When Trinity was 8, she was in a drama camp. I work strange hours so I’d hired a nanny to get her to the rehearsal and get her prepped. She was there and I’d join them in time for the show. Only problem? I had the show as 6:30 and it apparently was 6:00- so as I walk in they are taking bows.
I LITERALLY MISSED THE ENTIRE SHOW!
I had flowers when I walked in- I LITERALLY MISSED THE ENTIRE SHOW!
I remember walking in and hearing her name called for bows- and realizing my mistake…I see her nanny standing and clapping and I felt terrible- like the worst mom in the world. I mean who shows up for bows and hands a kid flowers and misses the entire performance. ????
???? me? ummm- but I love my kid a ton and I meant to be there and I was working and I messed up… really me????
YUP — there is going to be a moment in your mommying that you totally fail- and guess what? it’s okay! You are going to be okay! Your child is going to be okay! You are still a great mom!
We hold ourselves to impossible standards. When this happened to me- my daughter’s response was like oh- well that’s okay I’ll just tell you about it! “Mom, I remembered all my lines! Just like we practiced- I remembered all of them- even when to turn my head and look at the other characters! Can we have ice cream now?”
The relationship we had was built by investments far beyond the value that 30 minute performance- She knew me- the good me- the on top of it me- the me that is the mom she knows and trusts. My mistake didn’t change who she knows me to be. In fact, it showed her mom makes mistakes too.
The important thing wasn’t a specific 30 minutes in time- it was an overall presence in her life that spoke far more- So - when you fail in a small very isolated situation- but you’ve done the hard work in all the other moments- YOUR KIDS WILL KNOW THAT! That is what they hold in their hearts!
You are not constantly on trial as a “good mom”- You ARE a good mom! You show up, you pray, you invest, you are present… but you aren’t perfect- and that actually is something beautifully relatable that they can grasp.
Letting our kids see us fail sometimes and how we respond is important! They are going to make mistakes too and when they do - it’s important they know it’s okay! It’s okay to not be perfect! It’s okay to make a mistake or to have an off day! These are moments of real life that they watch us in and our response can form their ability to handle these moments in their own lives. So, be calm. Be peaceful. Show resiliency. Show mercy. Show compassion, grace and forgiveness. These are the minutes that matter-
That 8 year old is now a Junior in High School and she’s fine. That missed play didn’t damage her for life. We have a great relationship. She knows I’m not perfect, but she also knows I love her BIGTIME and I am in her corner! - I’m more of a coach in this phase.. but the investment of being real when she was 8 is paying off! Be real- it’s okay to fail- because we all will at some point- and part of the training them up… is teaching them to “fail well.”