Independent Play
Two reasons Independent Play is important, and how to overcome the guilt that is associated with it.
In my home, my children know exactly what it means when I say, “It’s time for some independent play.” Since my oldest was a toddler and starting with my daughter when she was just a baby, I have used this term directly with them. I started this because my oldest always struggled with playing independently, but I still needed him to know the importance of doing so.
Independent Play is important for these two reasons:
1. Children need to know how to play by themselves.
It is good for their developmental growth. Although some children are more eager to play independently than others, all children need to learn this skill, as it supports your child’s creativity, imagination, focus, and self-reliance.
2. Parents need their children to play independently so they can do the things they need to get done. As parents, we cannot expect ourselves to get all the things done in the home and outside of the home within the couple of hours we have after the kids go to bed. We are tired and want to wind down too. Parents need to have the ability to knock out a to-do list or sit down alone even in the daytime hours when they have more energy. (I’ll be honest; I can only play “babies” for so long before I need something to remind me I am an adult.)
At first, this was difficult for me. I thought to myself:
“I should be playing with him as much as possible,”
“He is going to be sad if I don’t play with him and engage all the time, “
“He doesn’t like to play by himself so I am depriving him if I don’t play with him.”
I know every parent has had these thoughts. It is important to frequently engage with your children, but remind yourself it is also important for them to play without you too. Remember that while they are playing, you are doing things that are necessary for your family or yourself. Your toddler will not have the memory of you telling him to go play independently, but his brain will have created an ability that allows him to think, feel, and do- separate from you- with confidence.
So, start early. If you have toddlers, explain to them what it means when mom or dad asks for independent playtime. You can explain that mommy and daddy love to play with them, but we have something we need to get done before we can play again. Then, start using the term throughout your days. With time, your child will know and understand what it means and its importance.
Heather Hibbard LPC
Director of Education
You can find more parenting resources from Heather @thetruemomlady on Instagram