Talking About Tough Topics with Kids
We’ve experienced natural disasters, political turmoil, a pandemic, and a mental health crisis all within a single year.
Kids today are exposed to so many distressing messages due to the ease of access to information. This means parents must be ready to talk about these issues in an age-appropriate manner. Remember if you aren’t having these conversations with your kids, someone else will (social media, peers, neighbors, teachers, coaches, music, etc.)
So you want to know how to approach sensitive topics?
Think about what to say and how to approach it. Sometimes children will ask questions out of the blue and you will have little time to prepare; however, more often than not, your child will internalize their fears and anxieties. Don’t be afraid to ask your child what they think or feel.
Some good starting questions:
How did you feel when you saw (fill in the blank) on the news?
Have you heard any friends talk about (fill in the blank)? How did it make you feel?
Also, you can try and comment on what you observe:
“Hey I noticed when we turned on the news you tensed up and left, is there something giving you anxiety?”
or
“Lately, you’ve been spending more time alone in your room and haven’t said much at dinner, I’m wondering if (fill in the blank) is on your mind”
b. Find quiet moments. Summer, a local Licensed Counselor, suggests
finding a space in your home, where your kids know it’s safe to talk. This place
should be free of TV and smartphones so you get 1:1 attention. This also
allows the child to know what they have to say is important. You might find a
place in the kitchen, or maybe outside.
*You can also give them a phrase to say to let you know they want to talk. It can be uncomfortable to ask. You can also let your teens know to text you “mom I want to talk,” again because texting is often less intimidating than asking.
c. Ask them questions. Find out what they know. Some children pay more
attention than others. Some will be more in-tune with what’s happening and
others may not. This will give you a good baseline and assist you in knowing
what might be age-appropriate.
d. Ask how they feel and validate it. Meet your child where they are at not
where you want them to be. Reflect those emotions back. *for little ones you
may need to help them put their feelings into words.
Reflection means to comment back on what you just heard and mimic the non-verbals. An example might be:
“Wow, when you were telling me about (fill in the blank) it sounded like it was very scary. Feeling scared doesn’t feel good.”
e. LISTEN! It’s easy, as parents to get overwhelmed by questions or just the
daily tasks but remember if you aren’t listening to them someone else will. Be
the one they want to confide in. Listen just requires you show up and pay
attention. You don’t need to fix it all right away, and sometimes there will be
no answers. Listening just let them know you are there, you are trustworthy,
and you care.
f. Remind yourself it’s ok to say, “I don’t know” *for older teens spend time
researching things or looking up information. These models appropriate ways to
educate yourself. Be apart of that process so you can help guide and answer
questions along the way.
g. Lastly, reassure your child you are there for them. Let them know they
have the support and a safe place to ask those difficult questions.
If you feel like your child is experiencing anxiety, which is debilitating and interfering in their ability to accomplish daily tasks, please seek out help. Counselors are trained to assist you in processing these big emotions. Also please ensure you are taking care of yourself. Life is hard to navigate and you don’t have to do it alone.
Clayr Simnacher, LPC-S
President and Founder of Work Mom Repeat