When the Thank You Doesn’t Come

As we look back on Mother’s Day this week, our loved ones probably (hopefully) took the time to consider and thank us for everything we moms do on a daily basis.  And who doesn’t love to hear “thank you,” especially from those we care about the most.  For us moms, few things beat a heartfelt note of gratitude from our kids or significant others.  As my children get older, they are actually starting to notice the breadth of what I (and my husband) do for them on a daily basis.  I guess it’s hard to ignore the people feeding you and shuttling you to and fro day in and day out.  Ha.    

But let’s face it - sometimes the “thank you” just doesn’t come.  Honestly, the tasks that mothers complete on a daily basis, seemingly on autopilot, are pretty unbelievable when you think about it.  Planning and preparing meals, laundy (so much laundry!), getting kids to and from school and activities, checking homework, scheduling appointments, bathing the kids and getting them to bed, maintaining the family calendar, and the list goes on ad infinitum.  Mind you, this is on top of your own work, appointments, etc., and the never-ending curveballs that seem to come our way as we try and work through our ever-growing to-do lists.    

So what are we to do when it seems like no one notices and/or appreciates all we do on a daily basis?  Whenever I start to ponder this question (or even wallow in it), I hear my mother’s voice in my head saying “do everything as if unto God.”  Yes, she’s been saying this ever since I can remember, and she still says it when I call to tell her about something I’ve done that seems to have gone unnoticed.  My father is also quick to remind me “whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”  The thing is - they’re not wrong.  By reminding me of these Biblical truths when I really need to hear them, my parents have helped to write them on my heart.  (As I write this, I’m making a mental note to thank them.)  A famous poem written on the wall of Mother Teresa’s home for children in Calcutta, India, excerpts of which are below, expands on this beautiful concept:   

          . . . The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

Grounding myself in this perspective is so liberating.  It reminds me that I don’t do everything I do for my family, or even my friends and clients, for their praise or accolades.  I’m called to do EVERYTHING for God and his glory.  This means I can (and should) give my best without expectation that those around me will gaze with awe and wonder, noticing all the time and effort I put into the “simple” meal that took them 10 minutes to eat (or pick at) or washing and putting away the clothes that someone managed to stain within an hour of putting them on.  Likewise, when I remember that I’m really doing this for an audience of One, it doesn’t bother me as much that no one seems to notice that I spend what feels like half of my life carting kids around or sitting in my car waiting on them.  

Again, don’t misunderstand me.  I’m not saying that we should strive to raise ungrateful children.  Teaching our children grace and gratitude could be a whole other blog (or book!), but our focus changes and our vision is clearer when we remember whom we are ultimately serving, and remind ourselves that nothing goes unnoticed by Him.  He’s watching; He cares; and He’s cheering you on as you raise these beautiful souls that He’s entrusted to you.  And I promise someday (and I pray that day is sooner that later for you, mama, I really do!) your children will start noticing and thanking you in their own special way, even if it’s just sleeping peacefully in their beds at night because they feel safe and secure in the life that you have so tenderly helped them to live.  Until then, I pray that you find the grace and grit to keep showing up and giving it all you have in Jesus’s precious name.  

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Abby Foreman is on the leadership team of Work.Mom.Repeat. She has two beautiful and talented daughters and an amazing husband that keeps life fun and lighthearted. As an attorney, she fully understands the struggle of balancing the work/life balance. Abby is one of those women that is real- she’s relatable and easy to talk to. She dives in life with you and is there for the beautiful and the ugly- she’s that kind of quality friend. Abby loves big and lives life full out! Thank you Abby for such a transparent and beautiful contribution. -