The 3 Secrets for Fitting in Friendship Even as a Busy Mom Juggling All The Things

After moving across the country after having a baby and spending the first 15 months of his life as a stay-at-home mom, I was feeling ready to get back into my career.

I literally had no idea how I was going to manage acclimating to a new job (and company!), while also raising a human, and managing all of the rest of things in life. But, I also knew I was not the first mom to attempt to return to work post baby, so I figured it would all work out.

And it mostly did. 

I figured out how to manage the pick-ups and drop-offs with my commute.

I discovered the evening rituals that made the mornings easier.

I learned how to make the most of our evenings and weekends together. 

And while I was feeling like I was technically rocking that #workingmomlife. 

The reality was I was really lonely. 

Between a demanding career and kiddo, I felt like I had no time for friends anymore. And I was feeling it.

As a stay-at-home mom, I had the time to join mom’s groups and organize playdates. But as a working mom, that time was now gone. And weekends felt like precious family time after a long week of work. 

Knowing I couldn’t go on like this, I attempted to organize an occasional mom’s night out. I sent a text to a couple of moms and suggested a get together. We texted back and forth for a few weeks before finally getting a date on the calendar (that was still a few weeks away!)

Finally, the date arrived (a month after sending the initial text) and it was great! But then a few months went by before I remembered to suggest another and the scheduling dance started again. Despite my efforts, we’d maybe only gotten together 3-4 times total by the end of the year! 

Something had to change. 

I pulled out my calendar. It wasn’t that I didn’t have time for friendship. It was that I didn’t have the same convenient times that I had before becoming a working mom.

As I stared at my calendar, I quickly saw that I had lots of daily pockets that weren’t currently reserved for my kiddo and husband - driving to and from work (you know, pre-pandemic!), lunch hours at work, and most evenings after bedtime (this was especially true because my husband was traveling nearly every weeknight). 

Now of course, my post bedtime self wasn’t always up for a night out with friends, but it was up for hanging out on the couch for an hour or so just catching up with a good friend in our pajamas.

But then there was the challenge of convincing a friend to come over after a long day! And all the back and forth texts required to get it scheduled.

So that’s when it dawned on me. 

What if I created a weekly mom’s night at my house?

I emailed 10 or so moms I had met over the last few years and told them that every Wednesday night at 8pm, my door would be open. And I set the expectations up front. No RSVP required. Pajamas expected. And no obligation to bring anything. The pantry and fridge would be stocked. Our goal is connection, not impression. 

For the next 6 months - I had time with friends each week! And it was effortless. 

That’s when I realized, the secret was in setting a recurring date. And then I wondered, could I create more times for friendship that were just on my calendar? No planning required? 

I could. 

And this time, I got scrappy.

I pulled my calendar back out again and asked myself another question:

What activities am I doing daily or weekly that I could do WITH a friend?

I could…

...Use my commutes to talk to friends on voxer.

...Spend my lunch hour with colleagues turned friends.

...Do dinner every other Wednesday night with my friend and her kiddos.

...Go for a walk every other Saturday with a friend.

...Have another family over for dinner every other Friday night.

That’s when I saw the power of double-dipping my time - and our family’s time!

I had to drive to work.

I had to eat. 

I had to exercise. 

Why not do them with friends? 

I wanted to play with my kids and have dinner with my family. 

Why not do both, but with others? 

Sure, I didn’t want to always do these things with someone - or a bunch of someones. Sometimes you just want to go for a walk by yourself or enjoy some quiet time in the car, you know? (Because, let’s be real, alone time becomes even more precious post kids!)

But exercising with a friend once a week was totally doable. Chatting with friends on the way to work and listening to music on the way home to unwind. The perfect combo. Family dinners twice a month? Easy-peasy. Especially if it’s already set on the calendar. It’s so much easier to move something on the calendar than get it there in the first place.

By setting recurring friendship dates on my calendar and thinking about my time a bit more creatively, my time with friends nearly exploded over night. 

Now of course, there were times then it didn’t work to just set it on the calendar once - especially when I was still developing a friendship with someone. Some planning for friendship is required. And that can feel like just one more thing on an already too-long to-do list.

One of my secrets as a corporate mom for managing it all is to batch my work. I create a weekly meal plan. I order groceries once a week. I schedule a weekly paper work power hour to plow through all the little things that pile up (like school forms, mail, bills, sign-ups, etc.). 

I systematize and batch nearly everything in my life. So I asked myself, why don’t I do the same for planning my time with friends? What could that look like?

It looked like sitting down and thinking about the friends that I wanted to get to know better and the friendships that I wanted to make sure I maintained. Then, I pulled out my calendar and asked myself what my true capacity (time + energy) was for friendship each week and month without feeling like I was sacrificing my quality family time too. I plugged in all of my recurring friendship dates that were already set on the calendar, and then from there, I started plotting out where, when, and how I could see the others.

I then sent a flurry of texts (in one sitting!), and my friendship calendar for the month was filled! And more importantly, it was filled with all of the friendships I wanted to prioritize. 

(I’ve since created a monthly planning sheet to help busy moms make space for the friendships that matter most. You can grab it for FREE here.)

Discovering these secrets to time for friends has literally made me feel like I’ve hit the jackpot. By setting gatherings once, looking for excuses to gather again, and batching the planning of my social life, I now spend most days filled with authentic, meaningful connection points with not just my family - but also my friends! 

And I’m nothing special. I’m just a busy mom who has figured out a system for friendship that works for her. And I’m hopeful at least some of these strategies can work for you too.

Because we weren’t made to mom alone. And it’s time we stop trying. 

Emily Siegel is a corporate mom, fierce friend, and podcaster on-the-side. Founder of the Connected Mom Life Community, she believes that authentic connections are not a nice-to-have, they’re a must-have! And she is on a mission to help moms create more of them. Because she knows we weren’t made to mom alone, and it’s time to stop trying!